Do NOT Do These Things

May 3, 2019

Hola Bitcholas,​

Today we asked, "What happened to you that you hope does not happen to anyone else?" The question was inspired a series of nightmare fueled news stories including, but not limited to the story of a man who had a spider in his ear. It was in his ear long enough that it made a web.

A kid in Connecticut had a TICK in his ear. Its jaws were clamped into his ear drum.

And a woman in Chicago had it even my opinion. She underwent surgery to have a cyst removed from her left eye. The doctor operated on her right eye. He tried to fix the mistake...without anesthesia.  

Those were the stories we heard about from the news. The most distressing phone call we had today involved a man using a penis pump. It's a suction tube that eventually stretch your member and make it bigger. That's the idea. Well, this guy tempted fate and put one of his testicles in the tube. It stretched the entire length of the tube (about 12 -15 inches) and stayed there until a friend helped him remove it.

My b*lls hurt just hearing about it.

Have a great weekend, bitches.

Until Monday, do what you do best and STAY BEAUTIFUL!


And secure your tickets to Pain in the Grass now! Procrastinate at something else!